I have been around sick and hurting people most of my life. Some people don't know anyone who has passed away. I have. Relatives have shot themselves, died of heart attacks, died of heart attacks caused by diabetes, and died because their body just gave up from all the trouble it was put through(diebetes included). I also have the memories of continually hearing that nobody lives forever, and "I only have 5 yrs left anyway." When someone you love doesn't care about their life and is continually telling you that they are going to die it hurts. In a way it reminds me of Anne of Avonlea when Mrs Pringle keeps telling her daughter that she is going to die and not to open the windows or go outside. She completely controlled her. In my case it is hearing how they can't go up and down the stairs without having nap afterwards, or my bloodsugars are out of control- while eating things they know that they aren't suppose to, Or chopping wood after being given bed rest, continually doing things specifically against what the doctors are telling them to do. To let them know that you care about them, they in return let you know that the time that they have left they are going to enjoy.. Oh and if they have the major heart attack that is going to kill them they just want to die. No hospital. No ambulance. Just going home.
At this point I realise that my kids have heard these stories. Diabetes is a killer. Most likely with the way things are going they will also have a childhood of knowing how true that statement is. So now I am the parent. I have diabetes too. I know to watch what I say around the kids, but my actions need a check up.
1. Am I talking the same way that I hated hearing people talk while growing up?
2. Am I letting them know that I have a problem, and then hurting myself with self destructive behavior?
3. Are my kids growing up scared that I might not be around later on in their life?
3. I don't think so.
I had lost weight earlier this year. Then I stopped. I have gained some of that back. I tried again. I didn't want to eat healthy. I didn't want to exercise. My fear was coming true. I am gaining the weight back... I am feeling like I have failed.
This Sunday the Sermon was about Failure. Notes from this sermon. TRUTH THAT ENCOURAGES US-1 God understands our failure. 2 God brings success out of our failure. a)We fail now to succeed later b)we fail in the incidental to succeed in the important c)We fail in the temporary to succeed in the eternal d)We fail outwardly to succeed inwardly. 3 God worls eternal glory through our failure. ACTIONS THAT TURN FAILURE AROUND 1 Accept responsibility for your failure. 2 Accept God's forgiveness for your failure. 3 Apply the lessons of your failure toward success. 4 Arise from your failure and start again. (THANKS PASTOR DAVE)
So here it is. I failed. I gained some weight back. Now time to put words into action. It is not the end of my story.